Yes it has been awhile since I posted anything here. Events transpired that left me in the curious position of having lots to say and the wisdom to keep quiet until I the rawness of emotion gave way to careful meaningful consideration. What happened you ask? The short story is that the church I was pastoring closed its doors.
Helping the people I cared for and lead for nearly seven years to grieve the loss of their community and move on to new ones took a deep emotional toll on me, far deeper than I imagined at the outset. Along with my wife, we have been grieving. Today I can say that time of throbbing grief is over, though the scars remain, barely covering half healed wounds. I suspect many who were part of that wonderful community are still feeling the throbbing ache more acutely than I, each in their own way. The loss of community hurts. Finding a new one isn’t easy.
To be sure, I have no intention of using this blog to assign blame or malign the faithful. Not at all. If nothing else, I share in the blame. We were all in it together. We tried. We worked hard. It wasn’t to be. That’s that. Would have, could have, should haves are cruel task masters. Are there lessons to be learned? Of course. Those are worth talking about when the time is right in thoughtful love.
On April 19th, 2015, we celebrated the years we had together, the rich fellowship and meaningful ministry. Ending with a celebration was the right thing to do. It was a time of tears and smiles, that’s how it is with grief. There is that part of me that wishes we could have found a way to carry on serving one another and the community around us. There is another part of me that is excited about the future, not only for myself, but for each one who was part of the church. New beginnings are rarely easy. A seed must fall to the ground for a new plant to grow. The seed has fallen.